I know it has been quite quiet around the blog for the last several months. It has been a hard last few months for sure. I lost my very best girl. Have you ever lost a very beloved fur baby? If you have you know it is the hardest goodbye, at least it was for me. I’ve lost people I truly loved, of course, but I have never experienced watching a loved one suffer so much as I did my beautiful girl and then at the end knowing I was the one who had to make the toughest call of all.
My precious girl, Cocoa, got sick in September. She had what the vet thought might be a grand mal seizure. It was unexpected and definitely came out of nowhere. She had had a few seizures when she was younger. The heartworm and tick medicine triggered them, but after changing medications she had not had one since. The seizure in September really came out of nowhere. It looked like it might be idiopathic epilepsy, meaning there is no known cause and it may just occur randomly. All seemed to be well for a few weeks…until it wasn’t.
Time is fleeting
In October, more seizures occurred. Let’s just say we were frequent flyers at the vet. It was heartbreaking to watch my sweet girl have seizures and all I could do was ensure she was in a safe environment. She was on anti-seizure medicine, but by the end of October the vet determined it was more than just Epilepsy. With her age and frequency of seizures and other symptoms occurring it was determined my sweet girl more than likely had a brain tumor. Guys, my heart just broke. I was in disbelief. We were supposed to have more time together. We were both supposed to die old ladies, warm in our beds.
Towards the end she was so pitiful. The medication was no longer working. She could barely walk without stumbling or collapsing from weakness and/or ataxia. She still had somewhat of an appetite, but not nearly as interested in food as before. My sweet girl would pace at night. Her last night she paced all night. She got stuck several times in corners and seemed lost. The morning of November 22, 2019 I had to make the hardest decision I have ever made. It was time to let her go. Cocoa was suffering and despite my selfish desire to keep her with me I just could not let her suffer any longer. I made the call to the vet and set-up a time for us to come in. I made an afternoon appointment so that I could spend as much time together on our last day.
The Hardest Goodbye
No time would have ever been enough, but our last day together was perfect and filled with so much love and lots of cuddles. That afternoon I said the hardest goodbye to my beautiful, sweet girl of 10 years. Oh, they were the most 10 wonderful years. How I would give anything to see her again and cuddle or see that wagging tail, but I know she is at peace. My sweet Cocoa is no longer suffering. Cocoa, my dear girl, I hope wherever you are you are getting lots of outside time and chasing chipmunks (just don’t eat them!). You will forever and always be my beautiful girl. Rest now, my sweet girl.
So if you’re ever like me
-Johnnyswim
Daydreaming how different this life would be
If the ones you loved most hadn’t take their leave…
I’ll be your lighthouse and you’ll be one for me
Like this post? Check out some other great posts:
Leave a Reply